Oh, how I love thee.
When I walk onto the school campus and see you scratching your crotches while talking about sports played entirely on the internet, it makes me just want to kiss you on the spot.
Everyday when I wake up, I look at my calendar and write down my excited daily bet on what underwear you are going to wear. Because, lets face it- you wear your pants low enough for everyone to see them. Oh, and those “I Love Beer” boxers really show the mature side of you.
At several points throughout the day, I have to remind myself of how outstandingly creative your vocabulary is. You are so right- “Gay” really does describe everything.
You have opened my eyes to the world of real, meaningful music- like 2chainz and Kanye. And I hope I don’t sound creepy, but I made a playlist of your favorite songs on my iPod after I heard them playing from across the hall, from the earbuds hanging over your ears.
You must be really popular and party a lot, because beer pong shirts are only worn by the most popular and charismatic people at school.
Thanks for putting those pictures of you mooning the camera on Facebook; now, I need no longer Google search “Channing Tatum” to find pictures of some quality ass.
I know you must have giant genetalia; your beautiful penis art drawn all over your desk is clearly just representing your reality. I believe you are very experienced with women; you must have fathered over twenty kids with the amount of times I hear you yell “my boy” across school.
Damn, I wish I could just stay in High School forever just to be with you. Soon I’ll have to confront a whole other specimen… College Boys. I’m a little scared to be honest. What if they try to have intelligent, meaningful conversations with me, while respecting my rights as a young women?! I won’t know what to do.
Love forever and always,