by Ben Daly
I never actually met you. I would wake up every low-contrast morning next to some kind of blinding sun desperately trying to get in my way. Every single day, as the dreams faded, I knew the sun would rise happily and sleep well. I was envious of light. The pavement and I stared at each other until some rich old tycoon would give me a glare to cross. I don’t think he liked to acknowledge the light, even when it was smiling bright at him. I saw you somewhere. My mind’s eyes and ears could feel you: My limbs could not. I never quite knew what to make of a million women acting like animals, and I never knew what to make of my friends using me as a spare tire, but wearing me down slowly as all my bad sides ground against the same pavement even I would rather hold hands with.
A speaking voice tries to explain it, but a singing voice lives it, and holds it dearly, clutching it, sobbing with relief. Colleagues looked in. They tried to help me make sense of why you cared. Later, we tried to make sense of why they did. You may be gone, but your spirit’s hand is lukewarm. Bowing trees. The violet sky in our eyes. The pavement has told the dark buildings in the distance to celebrate. They light up for us. They take requests.
If you do too, I hope I meet you back on that hill, and I hope the forces are merciful to the sea, which is merciful to the wind, which is merciful to us, and lets our memories fail to be blown out into that dark sky. I, you, we come from the same place. We can see it in each other, some monarchy of common interests, a line formed only out of two points. Without one, there serves no clear way, no law stated by a smart man who lives alone, to measure the size or design of either one.
Your hands need mine. My heart’s structure yearns to be pulled out of its housing and join yours. If there is no current, the power is drained. My lips grow pale and stiff so I cannot laugh with you. Now I can feel my heart, too, in my mind. But my true eyes open. My heart is bleeding, the sun dries, and the pavement weeps for its stains.