Beauty is always there
but is not always noticed.
But the first time I saw its trace
was the day that you licked the salt water
off my face.
when we were at the beach
and you would sink
into the sand as it melted
from the heat
of your heart
the rivers and creeks
that carried the life
and pinkness to my cheeks.
Though she could never speak
I knew I would never be as good as her.
I was only three
when I first saw the happiness of the sun
and the beauty of the rain.
Then I knew
the time I would see my first glimpse of true pain
would be the day
that I wouldn’t be able to lay
your head to rest
across my left breast.
And most nights you kept guard outside my room
You sturdy slept away all the unwanted doom
because if not
I know you would be to loyal and guilted
to not sleep at my tomb.
It wasn’t until that day
when you ran away
when I skipped a pebble
into a lonely bed of a creek
and for the first time I looked to the sky as I began to speak
“God please bring her home to me.”
Because I wanted to forever hold you
because I was your Lilo and you were my stitch
I was a girl
except you were my bitch.
Then I would watch as the sun left the red clouds scorched,
I found you waiting for me at my front porch.
It was the day I graduated
from sleeping in my parents bed
that I had a nightmare of you leaving
so I went to you instead
I placed my hand on your chest
where I thought would be your left breast
and I swore I could never lay my head to rest
while music was playing
but I found myself in a seldom sleep
because I discovered a new unheard symphony
That somehow felt familiar and sweet.
In that moment I could feel the beauty speak.
It was 1:00 am new years day 2014
when I had a abrupt transition
from sitting in the back seat of this dudes car seat cushon
in an awkward get me the fuck out of here position
to being curled into a broken ball
in poorly lit, empty hallway
with my hand covered like a mitt
intertwined into her chocolate fur
a woven glove that always seemed to have the perfect fit.
Her tummy had filled with blood
and my heart filled with its lust
what seemed to be the brother of satan
who dare lay another
finger on my little lover
but it was too late for Ruby to recover.
If cancer had non-scientific name
it would be “I can go fuck myself”
But tonight wasn’t the same.
I had only seen fear in her eyes
once in my life
but all I saw tonight was pain.
Because she knew that the end came.
And to think that only yesterday she was healthy
But her steps were taken stealthy
so while laying in the back of the car heading to the hospital
We took one last selfie.
That night was the most beautiful version of ugly!
And as she was laying across a stretcher
I couldn’t help but press her
cheeks to my lips.
as through her whiskers
vailed shallow wisps
that felt familiar and sweet
as I held onto her frozen feet
“It’s time to proceed”
The doctor speaks
as she sneaks
escape begins to seep
deep into her life rivers and creeks
as she prepares to sleep.
But before she laid her body to rest
I pressed my ear up to her chest
and listened to her fall to a seldom sleep
as I heard her symphony slow its beat.
And I released her large chocolate feet.
Then before I left out to the dark street
I started to choke
I could barely speak
If I left her now would she forgive me?
I told her how great of a slam poem she would be
then looked at her one last time
The definition of beauty